When paranoia sets in...

I admit I'm paranoid.

I'm paranoid that my existence is this world is a waste of space. I wasted the oxygen that I breath in.

I constantly have to justify my existence.

I constantly have to seek approval from my friends (surprisingly never from my family).

I'm paranoid that I am insignificant in their lives.

I'm paranoid that nobody really care about me enough.

I'm paranoid that if I was kidnap nobody will notice that I'm missing.

And I'm paranoid that if I die nobody will miss me and nobody will come to my funeral (assuming that there will be a funeral)

I labeled myself as Social Loner.

And my definition of that is someone who socializes cause she needs to belong but deep down will always be a loner. Alone and lonely.

I always have this burning feeling that I need to belong. Sometimes I feel like I'm a sore thumb sticking out abnormally amongst the rest.

Now I'm second guessing my decisions.

Did I converted because I believe in the religion or is that just another step in my ultimate aspiration to belong into something?

I just want the world to acknowledge my existence, that I was alive for a reason. Doesn't have to be reasons. A reason would suffice.

Cause right now I can't think of any valid reason.

Maybe it's a good thing after all.

Cause then going away would be easy.

Nobody will notice.