Forgive & Forget

I'm back in my kampung for Raya. Been here since yesterday.

On Friday as I was saying goodbye and wishing my colleagues Raya wishes, I had this strange sad feeling about leaving KL. I'm only going to be away for a week but somehow I feel as if I'm not going to see them again. It was an indescribable feeling of intense sadness.

I wasn't really looking forward for Raya anyway. I was even contemplating of canceling my flight and stay in KL. But then, my tickets has been booked. Nonetheless, I am still looking forward for the whole week of doing nothing but read books all day long :)

These days I'm in an emotional yoyo. I'm not quite sure what I really wanted. On my way back home on Friday, I called up a friend. I needed somebody to talk to but the thing is I don't know how to. There's just too much that I want to say but I can't or maybe I don't know where to start.

Told my friend, "think I need a shrink."

She said, " maybe you do. You have so many things bottled up inside of you, you're gonna burst one of these days. You need to let it out."

Maybe.

I've had some bad thoughts lurking inside my brain, a coward way out, which so far I managed to put aside. Or maybe cause as of now I am still sane enough to know how the bad thoughts going to end.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. I think I am paranoid.

Oh Keretaku!!!

Went for my regular car service yesterday.

My car has been so lembab these past weeks. Lambat pick up and makan minyak like nobody's business. Ergh!!! Usually RM20 fuel can last me about 4 days to and fro office. These days it can only last a day or 2. Double errghhhhh!!!!

So anyways, after work I went to my usual service centre. They suspected that my clutch is the culprit and needed to be change since it's been 4 years already anyway.

So okay la, told them to do their thing.

- Change oil filter
- Change engine oil
- Change gear oil
- Change air filter
- Change clutch and the whole thing that goes with it (plate, cover, bearing etc etc)
- Carbon clean service with Wynn's Power Tune
- Change spark plug
- Add oil treatment
- Add Wynn's Injector Cleaner
- Trade in old compressor with a new HKS compressor
- Add HKS Fuel magnetic power
- Add Spring Bumper Retainer front tyres
- Add Spring Bumper Retainer rear tyres
- Labour charge

The final bill? Gulp!!!

RM1,352!!! GASP!!!! *die*

Untitled

I have a friend, whenever she's here for outstation she won't venture outside of the hotel she's staying if she's alone.

If she's hungry, she'll order room service.
If she's bored, she subcribe to the hotel's internet service. (Sanggup walaupun mahal!!!)

Every morning, she'll make sure the hotel will get her a cab to commute to and fro her office.

I asked her,

"Why la don't go out alone onieeee??"

She replied.

"Don't want la. Macam bodoh jalan-jalan alone. Besides I don't know what to do if I'm alone"

Hhhmmm... Got a like that??

I've never had any problem walking around alone. In fact I prefer being alone. Of course they're times I feel the need to be around people and hang out with my friends.

I love spending "me" time in the bookstore. Alone. I can do it the whole day but these days I rarely had that opprtunity anymore.

I love doing my shopping alone. I'm not really the kind of person who needs to get other people's opinion on the stuff that I'll be purchasing. If I like it and reasonable enough, beli ja la.

Other things that I've done.

Watch movie alone - DONE!
Eat at kedai makan alone - DONE! (like almost every weekend punnnn...)
Go holidaying alone - DONE! (Planning for my second solo trip)
Move out and stay on my own - IN THE PROCESS

Ok enough about that.

I read somewhere that Malaysian are a bunch of busy bodies.

They like to ask personal questions eventhough on the first meeting. Especially the makciks! I find it annoying!!


"How old are you?"
"Really aaa.. You look so old hoh!"



"Where you work?"
"Waaaaa... Mesti banyak duit kan? How much you get paid every month?"


"Kahwin already?"
"Nochet kawin aaa? Why want to wait long-long, later no body want you anymore tau!"


Kedebushhhh!!!! If I want any advise I'll ask for one okay.


I swear if ada orang tanya again whether I'm married or not, this will be my standard answer from now on,

"Yes, I'm married. I have a husband AND a wife. Currently I have 5 kids and counting plus a bunch of farm animals."

Expectations

I was online with my friend the other day chatting about stuff. It was Sunday and both of us didn't have anything much to do.

We were talking about this dude and tengah dalam activity memventing out frustration tu she wrote something that got me thinking and kepala terangguk-angguk setuju.

She wrote that sometimes not everyone wants to be friends with you the way you want to be friends with them. I find it so true. Sometimes you have high expectation on how things are supposed to be progressing but the other person may not share the same enthusiasm. In the end baru la terasa sebenarnya kita ni syok sendiri.

I told a few friends that if a relationship or friendship is so hard to maintain then maybe it is not worth it and maybe you just have to let go. I mean, why the heck you want to be in that situation when almost always you'll end up sakit hati. Makan nasi lagi best dari makan hati berulam jantung.

Today, I got mad at a person. The thing is I am still thinking whether whatever that person did is 'marah'able and justified enough for me to be so angry at orang tu. Maybe cos its the frustrations that has been accumulated over a period of time and jadi ticking bomb. It doesn't take much issit to activate a live bomb?

Truthfully, I am so dissappointed at that person. One after another disappointments and finally I can't take it anymore. I think highly and expected so much more from him/her but I guess I have to admit defeat that orang tu is not what I expected he/she to be. Issit because I've been setting a high expectation on the person?

What a shame cos we have so many things in common. Then again sharing the same interest doesn't really mean things will work out. Whatever la.

Moving on to another topic.

How would you react when your boyfriend turns out to be gay?? Ouch!!!
Tercabar kewanitaan?

That's exactly what happened to a friend of mine. But I guess in her case the damage wasn't really bad cos deep down she sort of knew that he is playing on the other side's team.

This is the kind of things that you thought only happening in the movies. Well, hello real world!!!

It's good though that she decided to remain as friends with him. Besides, almost every girl wants a gay friend. Someone you can talk to about almost everything under the sun :)

There are still lots more stuff I want to write about but my brain is not fully functional right now so I'll leave those stories for another day.

Some days all I want to be is a missing person