A few weeks ago, a very dear friend of mine passed away at a very young age. Till today I'm still coming to terms with her passing. I'm doing better now or at least I thought so.

Some days, it didn't really feels like she was gone. It's as if she is still around some where. I feel guilty sometimes when I was having fun, guilty for enjoying myself because for a second there, I forgot that she was gone.

Re-reading my previous entry about her today made me cry again. I remembered and actually feel the painful sad feeling that I felt that night when I heard of her passing. The sudden realisation of her gone forever knocked the wind out of my chest. I was breathless for a few seconds and then the tears started coming and would not stop no matter how hard I tried.

When I heard the news, first thing that came to my mind was, "this is NOT how I imagine things would turn out to be". It was supposed to be the other way round.

Looking at how my friends deal with it. I don't think I can do that to them again so soon.

Few days ago, I actually talked about it to a friend. When she asked me why?
I was stunned cause I don't know how to answer. Don't get me wrong, I've always know the reason why but I don't know how to explain cause I don't think she'll understand.

When I gave my answer, as I predicted, she didn't understand.

But it was good to know that I did make a difference in some people's life. That, whatever that is that I did, it was powerful enough to make an impression in their life.

But I guess it is just not powerful enough for me to stop.

I'm sorry.

Pictures.. Photos.. Gambar..

I love taking photos. I especially love taking photos of beautiful blue skies.

Sometimes I took photos of people making funny faces, silly poses :)

I have hundreds of them in my laptop. And another hundred more that I've saved into DVDs.

Most of my friends complain because they've never seen the photos that I've took. Sorry guys!!!

"Why la don't upload dalam FB??" some of them said to me.

I don't know. I don't like uploading my photos. Maybe that's just not my thing. Maybe I don't like showing my pictures for the world to see. Maybe I malas to go through the uploading process hehehe...

But to all my darling friends, you can upload them if you want to but you have to come to me la to get them :)

Our thoughts and prayers are with you

Hasnih Jamaluddin

(1982 -2008)

When I received the phone call on the night of 9th November 2008 informing me of your passing, I refused to believe it.

I called a few people for confirmation and received a few more calls.

Slowly it started to register in my brain that this is real. That you're gone. Forever.

That night I went to your house. Entering the house you used to live was hard. Entering the room you used to sleep in was even harder. I couldn't stop crying as I was folding your clothes to be brought back to Tawau the next day.

I can still remember the last dinner we had together on Wednesday. It was a really long nice chat. Reminiscing the old days. Planning for your future. Listing the things that we were going to do together. Who would have thought 4 days after that you'll be gone forever.

I didn't get a chance to say this to you while you were still alive. You were the nicest person I've ever met. One I'm comfortable to be with and truly be myself whenever I'm around you.

It seems unfair for you to be taken so suddenly when we still need your company. We miss you. I miss you.

Its true when they said life goes on. But life definitely will never be the same without you in it.

But I do know that you are in a better place now. Someday we may be reunited again.

**************************************

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven
where the love of our lost ones pours through
and shines down upon us to let us know that are happy.

**************************************

I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death.
They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make.
Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.
We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.

**************************************

P/S : I've always thought that she was supposed to be the one mourning over me instead of the other way round.

As I lay me down to sleep

I went home last night feeling tired and dejected.

Suddenly I feel that every thing has become unbearable.

I've ran out of possible options to put an end to it.

Except... The one option that I've put aside for awhile now. The ultimate option. The point of no return.

I was weighing the idea last night as I lay on my bed.

Maybe I should just do it.

I really want to.

But the thing is, the sane part of me didn't want to.

As sucky as my life is right now, I love every single moments spent with my friends.

I don't know whether I can do it yet.

They are the reason why I'm still here.



End.


Friends.


End.


Friends.



For now, I think I'll put it on KIV again.

Where is your manners???

I hate rude people!!!

I hate them with a vengeance!!!

It's even worse when that person is your friend!!!

Arrgghhhh!!!!!

The world would be a slightly better place to live in if people can be less rude or at least pretend to have an A+ manners.

I mean, common on, no matter how busy or annoyed or pissed off your are, that's definitely not a good enough reason for you to be uncivilised to another person.

Oh mannnnnn... I am so annoyed right now I could burst!!!

I know this is just a stupid simple small thing but it matters to ME!!

So who cares, it's my blog I write whatever I want!!!

Hhhhmmmmhhhh!!!!!!