Forgive & Forget

I'm back in my kampung for Raya. Been here since yesterday.

On Friday as I was saying goodbye and wishing my colleagues Raya wishes, I had this strange sad feeling about leaving KL. I'm only going to be away for a week but somehow I feel as if I'm not going to see them again. It was an indescribable feeling of intense sadness.

I wasn't really looking forward for Raya anyway. I was even contemplating of canceling my flight and stay in KL. But then, my tickets has been booked. Nonetheless, I am still looking forward for the whole week of doing nothing but read books all day long :)

These days I'm in an emotional yoyo. I'm not quite sure what I really wanted. On my way back home on Friday, I called up a friend. I needed somebody to talk to but the thing is I don't know how to. There's just too much that I want to say but I can't or maybe I don't know where to start.

Told my friend, "think I need a shrink."

She said, " maybe you do. You have so many things bottled up inside of you, you're gonna burst one of these days. You need to let it out."

Maybe.

I've had some bad thoughts lurking inside my brain, a coward way out, which so far I managed to put aside. Or maybe cause as of now I am still sane enough to know how the bad thoughts going to end.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. I think I am paranoid.

Oh Keretaku!!!

Went for my regular car service yesterday.

My car has been so lembab these past weeks. Lambat pick up and makan minyak like nobody's business. Ergh!!! Usually RM20 fuel can last me about 4 days to and fro office. These days it can only last a day or 2. Double errghhhhh!!!!

So anyways, after work I went to my usual service centre. They suspected that my clutch is the culprit and needed to be change since it's been 4 years already anyway.

So okay la, told them to do their thing.

- Change oil filter
- Change engine oil
- Change gear oil
- Change air filter
- Change clutch and the whole thing that goes with it (plate, cover, bearing etc etc)
- Carbon clean service with Wynn's Power Tune
- Change spark plug
- Add oil treatment
- Add Wynn's Injector Cleaner
- Trade in old compressor with a new HKS compressor
- Add HKS Fuel magnetic power
- Add Spring Bumper Retainer front tyres
- Add Spring Bumper Retainer rear tyres
- Labour charge

The final bill? Gulp!!!

RM1,352!!! GASP!!!! *die*

Untitled

I have a friend, whenever she's here for outstation she won't venture outside of the hotel she's staying if she's alone.

If she's hungry, she'll order room service.
If she's bored, she subcribe to the hotel's internet service. (Sanggup walaupun mahal!!!)

Every morning, she'll make sure the hotel will get her a cab to commute to and fro her office.

I asked her,

"Why la don't go out alone onieeee??"

She replied.

"Don't want la. Macam bodoh jalan-jalan alone. Besides I don't know what to do if I'm alone"

Hhhmmm... Got a like that??

I've never had any problem walking around alone. In fact I prefer being alone. Of course they're times I feel the need to be around people and hang out with my friends.

I love spending "me" time in the bookstore. Alone. I can do it the whole day but these days I rarely had that opprtunity anymore.

I love doing my shopping alone. I'm not really the kind of person who needs to get other people's opinion on the stuff that I'll be purchasing. If I like it and reasonable enough, beli ja la.

Other things that I've done.

Watch movie alone - DONE!
Eat at kedai makan alone - DONE! (like almost every weekend punnnn...)
Go holidaying alone - DONE! (Planning for my second solo trip)
Move out and stay on my own - IN THE PROCESS

Ok enough about that.

I read somewhere that Malaysian are a bunch of busy bodies.

They like to ask personal questions eventhough on the first meeting. Especially the makciks! I find it annoying!!


"How old are you?"
"Really aaa.. You look so old hoh!"



"Where you work?"
"Waaaaa... Mesti banyak duit kan? How much you get paid every month?"


"Kahwin already?"
"Nochet kawin aaa? Why want to wait long-long, later no body want you anymore tau!"


Kedebushhhh!!!! If I want any advise I'll ask for one okay.


I swear if ada orang tanya again whether I'm married or not, this will be my standard answer from now on,

"Yes, I'm married. I have a husband AND a wife. Currently I have 5 kids and counting plus a bunch of farm animals."

Expectations

I was online with my friend the other day chatting about stuff. It was Sunday and both of us didn't have anything much to do.

We were talking about this dude and tengah dalam activity memventing out frustration tu she wrote something that got me thinking and kepala terangguk-angguk setuju.

She wrote that sometimes not everyone wants to be friends with you the way you want to be friends with them. I find it so true. Sometimes you have high expectation on how things are supposed to be progressing but the other person may not share the same enthusiasm. In the end baru la terasa sebenarnya kita ni syok sendiri.

I told a few friends that if a relationship or friendship is so hard to maintain then maybe it is not worth it and maybe you just have to let go. I mean, why the heck you want to be in that situation when almost always you'll end up sakit hati. Makan nasi lagi best dari makan hati berulam jantung.

Today, I got mad at a person. The thing is I am still thinking whether whatever that person did is 'marah'able and justified enough for me to be so angry at orang tu. Maybe cos its the frustrations that has been accumulated over a period of time and jadi ticking bomb. It doesn't take much issit to activate a live bomb?

Truthfully, I am so dissappointed at that person. One after another disappointments and finally I can't take it anymore. I think highly and expected so much more from him/her but I guess I have to admit defeat that orang tu is not what I expected he/she to be. Issit because I've been setting a high expectation on the person?

What a shame cos we have so many things in common. Then again sharing the same interest doesn't really mean things will work out. Whatever la.

Moving on to another topic.

How would you react when your boyfriend turns out to be gay?? Ouch!!!
Tercabar kewanitaan?

That's exactly what happened to a friend of mine. But I guess in her case the damage wasn't really bad cos deep down she sort of knew that he is playing on the other side's team.

This is the kind of things that you thought only happening in the movies. Well, hello real world!!!

It's good though that she decided to remain as friends with him. Besides, almost every girl wants a gay friend. Someone you can talk to about almost everything under the sun :)

There are still lots more stuff I want to write about but my brain is not fully functional right now so I'll leave those stories for another day.

Some days all I want to be is a missing person

Give

For the past 4 years I've took part in my company's charity program held sempena bulan puasa.

Basically you get to play santa for the kids by fulfilling their wish list. These kids were chosen from a few organisation that housed orphans or less privilege children.

I've asked some of my friends why they didn't participate in such program and received a few mixed reactions.

One of them said, he doesn't want to participate in an over commercialised event cos it'll dilute the real intention.

Another one of them said, she got turned off by the items in the kids' wish list. Nike shoes, bicycles etc etc. She said it was too expensive and if she wants to sedekah she'll just give money to the organisation.

Well, although I didn't agree with their views but I guess everybody are entitle to their own opinion.

Honestly for me, fulfilling a kid's wishes gave me satisfaction that I can't even described with words. Watching their animated and full of anticipation faces when it comes to unwrapping their presents was priceless. Some of these kids has never had such luxuries in life and having that opportunity to make it happen was the best feeling one can ever experience.

Somehow I can relate to these kids. I know how it feels like not having a new baju for raya or longing for a new shoes etc etc albeit in quite a different environment.

I guess for me it doesn't matter if it is over commercialised or that they're wishing for a pricey items. All that matter is I believe I am able to make a difference in these children's life.

They have a nice baju raya to wear for Hari Raya together with a new shoe and they can finally ride that bicycle they've been longing for.

Me, Myself & I

I asked my friends 3 simple question about myself to see whether they know me enough.

1. What's my favourite cookie?
2. Which vegetable I hate the most?
3. What's my favourite drink?

Do you know the answers?

My Kucings

My kucingssss...

I am their slave, a wiling one at that.

I looooove my cats so much I can't imagine living without them.. Heh..

They've been my very close companion ever since I started living in this hell hole called Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur.

In exchange for them waiting for my return everyday outside of my house gate and greeting me as soon as I open the car door, I am willing to:


1. Spend RM200/month on their food, cat litter etc etc..

2. Relinquish 3/4 claim of my queen size bed so they can sleep vertically instead of horizontally

3. Spend ringgits on roller to get rid of the furs sticking on my clothes

4. Pretend everything is good when they suddenly sit on the book/newspaper that I'm currently reading

5. Spend hundreds on their boarding cost every time I have to be away and nobody is around to take care of them

Things we do for our beloved pets. But I love them to bits. Meow!!!

By the way, if you want to witness the barbaric action of the uncivilised KL people being extremely uncivilised, try taking the LRT at 7.30am at Wangsa Maju station.

Not a very pretty sight. Only the strong will prevail!!!

September

September.....

10 and 11 years ago, September brought me heartaches.

11 years ago September was the month when everything changed for me.

September was the month I lost a place I can hold on to.

But September was also the month that I finally became an independent girl at the age of 17 in every sense of the word.

I truly believe that everything happened for a reason.

Some times you are meant to go through the hard times before you can experience the good times.

Whatever happened in September 11 years ago has made me the person that I am today.

Strong, capable and independent lady. Or at least that's what I like to think of myself.