09.11. A year ago.

O9.11 was the day she left us a year ago.

Time flies so fast.

It still feels like yesterday.

Wherever she may be, I hope she is at peace.

Rest in peace my friend.

Al Fatihah.

I dream of Laos...

tick... tock... tick... tock...

I'm at the office, supposed to shortlist these staff for our upcoming courses but I got bored with all the data.

I clicked on Mozilla.

Thinking.. hhmmm... What should I search for today? Just then I saw the small notebook that I've been using to jot down notes for my solo trip to Cambodia and Vietnam last year.

Maybe I should start planning for my Laos trip. My next solo backpacking trip. I'm planning to go for this trip next year to celebrate my 29 + 1 birthday.

Found a few sites that provide really good info.

My draft itinerary will be Vientiane - Vang Vieng - Luang Prabang - Vientiane. I'll have a week to cover all those places.

Sounds like a plan innit?

Now all I have to do is save up enough money for this. I'll need roughly about RM3k.

Better start ikat-ing my perut now and put in $$ into my Laos fund.

Anybody care to donate some money to this orphan child for her trip?

It's 9.49pm

and I'm at Pullman Lakeside Putrajaya.

A bunch of my colleagues are having a ball singing their hearts out and all I want to do is go back tomy room and sleep. Since I can't do that hence the blogging.

It's always fun doing outside office work, but these days I would rather stay at home surrounded by cat's fur, duduk kankang tengok tv :)

Oh well, till later amigos!!!

It's 1.06 in the morning...

and i can't sleep.

I hate times like this.

cause it makes me think. ponder.

so many things to ponder. some many things to decide. so many things....

if people asked, are you happy with your life?

what would be your answer?

for me, i don't know. i don't think i am.

not that i'm not thankful. i am blessed with great friends.

a job that can pay my bills.

lacking in the significant other department is never an issue. as my friend once said, i'm not even actively searching for that special someone. which is true.

why? i don't know.

i guess i'm quite content with the way things are right now.

somewhere deep inside i have this feeling that i won't live long anyway. so why complicate things, right?

right now, at this very moment. i've got nothing to loose. but what if i'm still here after the due date.

maybe. just maybe. i might take things into my own hands.

Happy Hari Raya

Ramadan went by without us realising it.

Pejam celik pejam celik it's already Raya.

I didn't even have enough time to work on my Raya mood. Or care when the only ticket I can get to go back home is on Raya eve.

Anyways, it's already the 2nd day of Raya. I still have till Thursday to laze around the house. My flight back is on Friday.

So, enjoy your raya peeps. Have a fun and joyful Raya. Go easy on the food galore yo!

This is it...

It's been more than a month since my last update.

Truth is I am getting malas-er to update this blog so I've decided to go into hibernation mode until further notice, until I am ready to go back into the blogging world.

There are actually lots of things that I wanted to put in here but my heart is just not into it.

I guess I am tired of using my brain to put the data into something that's interpretable by the reader.

Or maybe I just don't feel like sharing.

These are just a lil something that I'm willing to share before I bid my adieu;

1. Generally, I am much happier now that I've moved department.

2. My dark evil urges are now more or less under control until it chooses to surface again.

3. My cousin passed away last April.

4. I finally had my closure when I went to Tawau mid this month to visit her family. I still miss her every day.

5. Love the Swatch I received as my birthday present. Thank you, love you all.

6. I'm proud of myself for making my house habitable.

7. I always seem to missed The Monkeys get together. Must make self more available for such occasion.

8. A really good friend just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Aunty can't wait to play with your dear.

9. No tart nenas made by her this year.

10. To my friends, you have no idea how much you play a significant role in making sure that I am still alive and breathing today. I could've lost the battle months ago.

Till then, take care. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Welcome to Ancientness

Yesterday was my 29th birthday, my last birthday before the BIG THREE-OH..

This year was a more intimate affair, dinner with close friends from work.

I haven't celebrated with the Monkeys, apparently everbody is too busy but hoping we can meet up sometime next week so that we can have a double celebration, Aton's birthday is on the 6th.

Anyways peeps, have a good weekend!!!

Oh by the way, we've started Rumah Aman activities. They are a bunch of naughty but adorable boys. Tomorrow will be our 2nd session with them and I'm really looking forward to spend 2 hours of fun with them :)

Cherioooooossss amigosssss....

I wonder why???!!!

I wonder why some people can be so downright evil?

I mean like, eeeeeeeeeevilllllllllll.........

Like, the-spawn-of-the-devil evil.

Like, a back-stabbing bitch and mother of all assholes!!!

Was talking to a friend yesterday, told her the last 2 years was the lowest point of my working life. Crushed self-esteem. Self-doubt.

I don't think I am that bad or am I?

Maybe she hates me cause I didn't "kipas" her. Sorry, I don't believe kipas-ing my way into somebody's good grace.

Maybe she hates me for having an opinion. Helloooo... I have a brain!!!

Oh god. My 2 years stint there was hell. She sucked the life out of you till you do not even have the will and motivation to live.

You think I over dramatise the situation?? Oh mannnn... If you can only see.

Lucky for me, I am finally away from the evil cluthes of the queen of the damned. I am happier where I am now. Although it's not all perfect but much, hell, A LOT better than before.

Last I heard that person now has acquired a minion that I think fits her criteria. A total suck up that puts a starfish to shame.

I pity my ex-colleagues who are still stuck there. Since I am no longer there I guess the devil's spawn have to find a new person to torture. Hang on my friends, I hope things will get better.

What's my name??

During the last 24 years of my life I've always been known by one name. I rarely used my given name instead I've always been called by the shorter version of that name. And sometimes by another shorter version of the shorter version of my given name. A single syllable and 2 letter word. Simple. Quite kampung like name.

4 years ago I moved here. Reported for duty and almost immediately given a new name and I didn't make an attempt to correct them. Before long, everybody called me by that name and it's too late to make any correction. Its like a glamourised version of my given name. 4 years down the road, people still called me by my new name. And I still responded to it.

Maybe I should start using my old nickname again. I miss people calling me Sinta.

This is a post drafted awhile back but didn't get a chance to post it up.

*************************************************

2 weeks ago a very close cousin of mine passed away due to injuries from an accident. The last time I saw him was during his sister's wedding in December 2008. His wife just delivered their 3rd child a few weeks earlier. He was young, he had 3 young children who adored him. I've never imagined he would leave us so soon.

I'm going to be honest, my family is not exactly a normal bunch of people. We have our problems. Oh man, you can't imagine the kind of problems we have to deal with on a daily basis. The one thing that I can't understand is, of all the person, why him? Why can't the problem maker(s) get chosen and save us all the trouble?

...

I'm still fighting the temptation.

I think it's getting worst.

I think I'm fighting a losing battle.

I think I might just give in.


Preparation?

In motion.


When?
Soon.


M.O.?
To be determine.

Another un-named post

Hi ya all.

I know it's been awhile. Partly cause I don't have internet access at home and they blocked blogger in the office (sucks!). Every time I'm at the Starbucks or any other place with free Wifi, I always forgot to update this blog. Not that there's been anything interesting happened in my life pun.

Life has been pretty stagnant.

I did threw a surprise party for a close friend recently. Been planning for it for about 3 weeks with a bunch of friends. For me it was a satisfying event. It pleases me that she really loves the surprise and more so that she loves the birthday present that we gave her.


At times it did crosses my mind that making my friends happy makes this life worth living. For me I think this is the sole reason why I chose to remain breathing.

But it did sadden me that one close friend of mine wasn't able to join us for the surprise. If she was alive, she would be super excited planning for the surprise together. But I know she was with us in spirit that night.

Today is the 4th month she left us. I still miss her. I still cry at night thinking about her.

I can't help thinking, it should've been me not her.

....

These past weeks I've been spending lots of time just hanging out at home. Alone and loving it.

Ever since I moved to my new place, I hardly ever go out. It feels so good being anti-social and stay home reading books. Lots and lots of books :)

I've also been ignoring my handphone(s). Checking on them only once a day hahahaha...

Somehow it makes me feel so free. So liberated.

All those time spent at home, other than reading books, watching TV on free channels and cooking (I finally bought a stove!!!), I've been doing some thinking. About stopping being in denial and accepting the truth. I am so tempted to do a postcard and mail it to Postsecret just cause I think I'll be able to handle the truth now.

On another note, I still have to drag myself to work every morning. Oh god, it requires so much effort that I told a friend recently than I'm seriously considering marrying an OLD RICH MAN so that I can quit my job. But then again, finding an old rich man also memerlukan an even HUGE effort that I think I'll just stick with my work for now.

Sigghhhh....

It's been...

63 days and I still miss you...